I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
