My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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