dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
