the condom got lost in my hair
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
