3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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