This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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