We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i think i just lost a toe
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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