it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
