those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
