anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
