i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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