No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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