I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
