ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
