I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
