Your dad touched me again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
