Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
