I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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