You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
