He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
