I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
