dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
