and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
