I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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