what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
