All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize