Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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