don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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