i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize