So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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