Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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