I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
