My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
