You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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