I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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