My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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