she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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