Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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