Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
