This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
