If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
