I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
