He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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