Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
