all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
