Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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