As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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