ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
