I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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