i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
