Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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