Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
