Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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