I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
