Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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