All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
