Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
