I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
