He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
