u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
