walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
