Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
