I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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