Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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