I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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