the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
