lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
