He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
