the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
